Indianapolis, San Francisco, New York City and Ulster Park in upstate New York - all were places I lived, worked, paid taxes, recorded an official address. In all those homes I thought I was fine. My life was busy and I was OK, but I discovered I had not felt quite settled, quite "at home" until a little red-haired baby boy was born to me. May 30 marked the day in southern California I was home at last.

Not every woman needs to have children. Not everyone wants to raise and guide and enjoy a new person, but I discovered that I was a person who needed a child. For 20 years I had been a city-dwelling adult in various apartments and lofts made comfortable with soft pillows and lush plants at all the windows. I worked at making pottery, apparently satisfied. I had friends, I was devoted to two yellow cats and some of their kittens and even adopted a scruffy tough, old terrier. I was fine. I thought.

It was that baby who made all the difference to me. I had not known what I was missing. He was my first thought in the mornings and my chief interest all day long. What did he want, what did he need, where could we go to have the best time possible? To a blanket in the grass in our little fenced back yard? To a public park or to the quiet beach by the bay? Should we spend the morning in someone's living room while babies crawled and mothers watched in wonder? When I was not laughing with him or taking clothes and diapers on and off of him I was nursing him or thinking of a new food he might want to try. I talked to him and sang to him all day long. When he slept I slept. Early to bed made the most sense as it went with early to rise. All passionate interests that occupied me before the baby came paled in comparison with that new person just starting out, seeing everything for the first time.

Later when he had grown, scientists said babies grow more intelligent if someone they know talks with them many hours a day when they are small. I smiled at that. He read what the scientists said and said, "You know, Mom, if anyone could talk to a baby all day long, it would be you."

I felt at home then, too.