By the time you read this, gasoline might be $4 a gallon. Yes, you read that right: F-O-U-R dollars a gallon. That's a whole lotta moolah. Why, with $4 you could buy a Happy Meal at McDonald's and get change back. Or, for a buck thirty-five more, get a delicious Tailwagger (two hotdogs, fries and medium drink) at The Dog House.

But in order to engage in any of those, you'll probably have to drive there -- unless you live nearby. (Oh, did I mention that gas may be $4 a gallon when you read this?)

What a mess.

All around the Triangle, nervous motorists no doubt are entertaining elaborate schemes designed to outwit this gasoline nightmare. Gas cans are in short supply, and so is gas stabilizer, which keeps gas fresh for up to two years. Some people hope to save a dollar or two at the pump until this crisis is over, even if it means endangering their homes and lives.

Read my lips, folks: Gasoline is extremely volatile. You can blow yourself up real good if you're not careful. Storing five gallons of unleaded in the garage or basement isn't worth the money you might save if it means burning your house down.

And consider this: All you're doing when you show up at the pump with five gas cans is to contribute to the widely held viewpoint that we're going to run out of gas. If you really want to help, stay home, slow down on now-widened Guess Road, take your lunch to work, or eat somewhere within walking distance of your job.

The less fuel we use, the more we'll have on hand when we really need it.

Of course, there are some folks who don't really seem to mind that gas costs more per gallon than a chili dog combo.

Take those whippersnappers with their lowered cars, shiny rims and obnoxiously loud stereos and mufflers. How many times have you seen them go 0-to-60 in a city block just to hear the tailpipe warble when they downshift? Ah, the extravagance of youth.

By the way, if you spot any typos in this column, blame it on the fact that I'm writing it with one arm, while standing on my last remaining leg.

I filled my tank earlier this week and it cost me ... well, you know how much.