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Columnists: Flo Johnston| Barry Saunders | Jim Wise


Published: May 16, 2009 12:30 AM
Modified: May 16, 2009 09:29 AM

When on the Web, mind your e-manners
 
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National Etiquette Week is upon us once again, and this time I've come up short. Unbeknownst to me, I committed a faux pas on eBay. I thought I'd acted honestly in evaluating my seller, but she sent me an electronic wrap on the knuckles correcting my bad manners.

Here's what happened: I was dissatisfied with a set of five cloisonne match box covers that I'd won. One was seriously damaged (far more so than the original description had indicated), and one wasn't even cloisonne. But at $15.50 for the group, I'd made a steal.

When it came time to evaluate the seller, though, I thought it would be dishonest to rate her at the highest level, which is a "5." So I gave her two "4s" and the rest "5s" and left the comment that one of the boxes wasn't cloisonne. She responded immediately with a mini Miss Manners lecture telling me that "it's better etiquette to work something out [with the seller] versus leaving a note like that on someone's feedback profile."

Hmm. I thought the purpose of leaving feedback was, in part, to alert other buyers to potential problems with sellers. Cloisonne, after all, isn't that hard to spot; if you're in the business of selling it, you ought to know what it is.

On the other hand, maybe I should have contacted her directly and given her the chance to address my complaints. But to be honest, I didn't think about it.

The electronic revolution is upon us, like it or not, and e-etiquette is still being written. It's yet one more thing to learn if you're going to engage in eBay, Facebook, Twitter or whatever. I have a feeling that for my kids, this is a simple matter of picking up the rules as you go. The next generation is wired electronically, I'm convinced.

But for me, I'm either too old or too grouchy or both to bother. I think I'll go back to haunting the local consignment shops in Durham, like I used to, and checking out antique stores when on vacation. I know the rules there. I can ask if the shop has cloisonne match box covers or I can wander the aisles in search myself. I can handle and examine the pieces, or if they're locked in a cabinet, I can ask for help. I can say "please" and "thank you" and pay my bill, and leave the store free of unfinished business.

Transaction complete. No feedback required, no passwords necessary. And best of all, no e-manners to remember.

Marjorie George lives in Durham.
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