My buddy Carlos, that's who. He's had three successful marriages and should know what it takes to make a marriage work -- or not work.

By the same theory, aspiring politicians should seek advice from someone who has never come close to winning. You can learn more not from a winner but from a loser whose platform has been repeatedly rejected by the electorate.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you -- ME!

It's embarrassingly true that I received 13 votes when I ran for the Rockingham City Council, but I learned something from that race that no college-degreed consultant would know. For instance, when campaigning, never confess that you're only running because the newspaper you publish doesn't make enough money to keep you in Moon Pies and you need the money a councilman makes.

Another nugget of advice, to paraphrase President Kennedy, is "Tell not what your opponent didn't do for his city, tell what you WILL do for your city."

That's my advice to Durham City Councilman Thomas Stith as he tries to unseat incumbent Mayor Bill Bell. In my mailbox this week was a huge, colorful flier with pictures on its front of Mayor Bell. The headline: "When it comes to fighting crime, Bill Bell Doesn't Have A Clue."

Inside, next to a picture of Bell, is a list of "the Bill Bell Record," telling us, among other things, that Durham has the "highest per capita rate of violent crime ... in the Triangle," and "three youth under the age of 21 were murdered in Durham this year."

C'mon, Thomas. You're better and smarter than that. So are we. A mayor's leadership can affect how residents view crime and the city's response to it, and a mayor can -- as Stith vows to do -- put more officers on the street. Other than that, though, what's the dude supposed to do? Pull on a mask, cape and tights and fly around stopping people from shooting each other?

Durhamites are bombarded daily with stories from others of how bad the city is; we don't need to hear it from the people who're promising to make the city better.

In recent elections, Bell's opponents have imploded, making it unnecessary for him to bring his "A" game in campaigning. Against Stith, he'll have to campaign hard, defend his record and offer specific rather than general solutions to the problems facing the city.

That's good. As a Durham resident, I'm not sure which candidate I'll vote for, but I know the city will benefit from a vigorously run, tough-fought campaign.

"Vigorous" and "tough-fought" don't have to mean negative, bash-your-opponent-upside-the-head-with-his-record campaigning, though.